News of Tun Dr Siti Hasmah Mohd Ali’s passing has brought widespread grief to Malaysia.

In my heart, I quietly say goodbye to a lady who was both extraordinarily noble and comfortably grounded.

Throughout my career in media, I met Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah on numerous occasions—sometimes on the reporting trail, other times at official functions or the Prime Minister’s residence.

She and Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad were complete contrasts. He was almost always stern; interviewing him was a demanding test that kept everyone on edge.

But whenever Dr Siti Hasmah was present, her spontaneous and playful remarks would instantly break the tension and draw warm laughter from the room.

Regardless of her age, she always felt charming and completely unpretentious—just like a genuine friend.

Her empathy was most remarkable. She would check on those around her—asking if the food suited their taste or how life was treating them—and then listen intently to their answers. As the Prime Minister’s wife, she remained remarkably humble, like a kind and approachable neighborhood mak cik.

While her character contrasted sharply with Dr Mahathir’s, it was also a perfect complement. When he was rigid, she was gentle; when he was sharp and dominant, she was unassuming and unpolished. Together, they made a lifelong partnership. Dr Mahathir’s legacy as Prime Minister evokes varied opinions, but Dr Siti Hasmah’s role as the Prime Minister’s wife remains universally praised.

The role of a Prime Minister’s spouse is far more consequential than people imagine. She shapes how the public perceives the leader, influences the nation’s image abroad, and embodies institutional values. Through her, we can learn what it truly means to excel in this role.

Malaysia’s early Prime Ministers, Tunku Abdul Rahman and Tun Abdul Razak, had wives who kept relatively low profiles. Few today remember Tunku’s wife’s name or deeds, as she was virtually invisible in the public sphere. Her life centred on the family rather than an active political or social role as first lady.

Tun Razak’s wife, Tun Rahah Mohamed Noah, hailed from a prominent family and was a devoted wife and mother, but she too remained understated and rarely stepped into the spotlight.

 Tun Abdullah Badawi’s late wife, Datin Paduka Seri Endon Mahmood, was graceful and refined, but Abdullah’s brief tenure and her own battle with illness meant her time in the public eye was short.

These three spouses represented traditional women who stayed behind their husbands, rarely venturing into public affairs or seeking attention. They were, in effect, invisible prime ministers’ wives.

In a similar vein, the wife of Singapore Prime Minister Lawrence Wong, though a modern career woman, fiercely guards her privacy and rarely makes public appearances.

At the opposite extreme is Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor, wife of former Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak. She craved not only the status of her position, but also the pomp and authority of official power. Her lavish lifestyle aside, she actively sought to influence political and commercial affairs. In one famous audio recording, she can be heard telling Najib, “Can I advise you something?”, a clear reflection of her dominant stance.

At one point, her office even called media outlets, demanding she be referred to as the “First Lady.” Under Malaysian protocol, that title belongs strictly to the Raja Permaisuri Agong (Queen), putting media organisations in a protocol dilemma.

Rosmah remains embroiled in major legal battles—from multi-million-ringgit jewelry cases to the Sarawak solar energy scandal and 1MDB recovery suits. Her downfall stems from exceeding the bounds of her role and abusing power she did not legally possess. Her domineering demeanor ultimately tarnished the image of the Prime Minister’s wife.

A similar figure on the global stage is Kim Keon-hee, wife of former South Korean President Yoon Suk-yeol. Her penchant for luxury and the spotlight turned the public against her. She eventually faced imprisonment over allegations of bribery, power-peddling, and political interference— a stark warning of what happens when a leader’s spouse meddles in state affairs.

Tun Dr Siti Hasmah is remembered with deep affection and respect because she understood the boundaries of her position. Beyond being Dr. Mahathir’s steadfast companion, she set a gold standard in the public domain. She gave her heart to charitable causes, treated the public with warmth and strictly refrained from leveraging her status for political or financial gain.

In doing so, she demonstrated noble character and became the perfect example of a Prime Minister’s spouse.

(Tay Tian Yan is the deputy executive editor-in-chief of Sin Chew Daily.)